DadsCenter.org Blog

Kind Words For Single Parents

I found this good link on al.com.  It’s a tribute to those who have done the single-parent thing from a mother who had to fly solo recently.

May some cross-functional blogging can work between the two…..

Gone are the “good ole days….”

From a mother, school teacher and wife of an ex-state trooper:

The law (Texas) says you can’t leave a child under the age of 12 in a parked vehicle without adult supervision–info from my husband,  a Highway Patrolman for 10 years. The thinking is that by then they have enough intelligence to handle most situations. I remember baby sitting for church members by the age of 11.  I was always considered very mature for my age–I have relapsed in adulthood–ha ha! I think it ALL depends on the kid, location, and the parent feeling comfortable (although I don’t know when I will ever not worry). I think it is so sad that most kids nowadays don’t get to leave on their bikes at daybreak, play with frinds, make mud pies and return home for lunch with mom like in the “good ole days.” We truly live in a different day and age!

A great answer to “When should kids be allowed to go around the block, stay at home…”

A very insightful father wrote this:

“What is the purpose of letting your child stay home alone?  Ride their bike around the street alone, etc…?  The decision should probably have less to do with the actual age of the child and more to do with the personality, maturity, circumstances, etc… with your child.  As a parent you know your child better than anyone and it is our job to access situations from our perspective and encourage them in endeavors that will benefit them long term.  What does all that mean?  For some children they can handle the idea of being alone at age 9 for an hour or two because they know not to answer the door, talk to someone strange on the phone or get in the car with a stranger.  However, some children might need a few more years of growth and development mentally and emotionally before being allowed that “next step” in freedom because of their inability to always handle situations correctly.  Society tells us to hurry up and cut our kids loose so that they can grow up and be mature and become independent.  In most cases encouraging independence and maturity are good thoughts, but not in all situations.  Facilitating the “next step” in freedom for your child is not something you do just because they have reached a magical age, but rather it is something you do in continuing in the process of raising them up as God asks us to do.  So, I don’t know what the correct age is, but more importantly I think that with my two children I know what the correct age is not, just yet anyways.”
Thanks to everyone who has responded so far.  Any other questions you have for other parents?

My wonderful wife

For those of you who haven’t been fortunate enough to meet my wife, Kari, I wanted to share a few thoughts with you about how special she has become in my life. Yes, we struggle each day as parents and Christians to do the right things to raise our children. We come from different backgrounds and so that some times is good and then others presents new opportunities to either dig in or negotiate. We can both be pretty stubborn if necessary!

But we both have found an unusual strength from each other. There are many times when we can finish the other’s thoughts and words. And when we are faced with a challenge, we often times find a way to over come it through collective creative genius. Take the patio cover for instance. The last bid we got for it was $5,800. We’ve built it ourselves in a week’s time for a little more than $1,100 and our wonderful neighbor who is an electrician came over yesterday and wired it for two ceiling fans and some neuvo track lighting once we get the ceiling covered over. And neither of us have ever built anything of the sort in the past.
It’s a struggle to constantly keep a house clean with children; no matter how many you have. Try doing it with seven and you’ve got egg roll. And some times an incredible mess that simply leaves one incredulous.

In some ways I know we were the same as kids and this is payback, but nonetheless, it makes for tired days at the end, particularly when you’ve been outside trying to fasten shingles to a patio cover that’s 10 feet off the ground and the temperature according to the thermometer is 95… which means with black shingles, well, it’s hotter than Hades.

But we are fast approaching the time when we can just go outside in the backyard and enjoy. I ordered a wonderful sign from a man in Washington State : Erl at Semper Signs that reads “Kari’s Paradise” and the yard is pretty close to being a special garden area to go out and enjoy. And with the patio cover fast coming to completion, well, it’s just shaping up to be a great place to go outside and enjoy, year round. [This is a great sign maker. I highly recommend it.] (The next sign we are ordering for outside the fence is “Don’t feed the bears!” and then one more to hang over one of the beams under the patio cover: “No decisions made HERE!”)
But it’s not easy to take care of seven kids and my wife does a yomen’s job of doing such, even though there are times when she’s completely frustrated about doing laundry, cleaning, groceries, etc. Yes, I do my share of each task and also work outside of the house. There are seldom times when I’m able to sit still. I guess I got that drive from my own mother who constantly berated my dad for “watching that tv.”

We’ve accomplished so much in a year and a half of marriage. New house. New family. New pool. New patio cover. And now I’m on the verge of new job. That’s a lot of new and the Holmes-Rahe Social Readjustment Scale would say, “too much” but we’ve held it all together and are looking to even better days ahead. I love my wife. I’ve worked hard to make our backyard and the house a heaven for her. And wanted to share with you how special Kari is to me. To use the old cliche, she is prettier to me today than the day we wed. I used to not really believe that expression when I was a kid, but I really, really do now.

Honey, I love you.

From a wonderful Mom…

By law a child can start staying by their self at the age of 9 (at least in Collin County [TX]).

The rest really depends on where you live and how well you know the neighbors/neighood, how safe you feel and how responsible is the child.

–A Wonderful Mom

It depends on where you live….

From one wonderful dad:

Things have changed so dramatically since my childhood….we were fortunate to have a great neighborhood when I was young. We could go all over the neighbohood and hang out with our friends, play, baseball, football, basketball, volleyball, ping-pong or just hang out. The entire community always watched out for our safety.

Today, however, there so many forces out there that can put children in harms way. It depends on where you live…probably late teens 15-18 is a good number for letting them walk the dog, ride a bike or walk around the neighborhood by themselves (with caution).

My liberty, KI Sawyer AFB

A friend asked about when we were able to ride around the block on a bike.  Thankfully, I spent a large part of my youth living on an air force base in Northern Michigan where the woods were ours to roam and even base housing was heavily patrolled by police so there was almost no speeding.

I got in trouble when I was in middle school in California because I had gone to see a friend who was living in Winton, and not in Atwater.  I rode my bike there and got grounded for a week, but at the same time, my parents let me ride from the house to the base, which when I redrove the other week when we were in CA on the way to Yosemite, I thought that there would be no way I’d let any of our seven kids ride that route today.  If any of them took off to Winton, CA, well, today, I’d take their bike away.

At the same time, today, we give the girls some freedom to roam at eight, but we’ve also been working with our local police department to have some new stop signs put in or our street to slow down traffic off the main road at the end of the block.  Plus, they have to tell us where they are going and even call to get us a phone number.

Our boys enjoy a little more freedom to roam, but we also keep a cell phone with them so they can call if there is a problem.

The world today certainly isn’t the world of my youth.  I have remarked below about how the base I grew up on is now basically a ghost town, but the world has changed greatly since then, too.

I think it’s just a matter of judging how mature you think your kid is.  Laying out some rules about whose house they can or cannot go in, and when they’re expected to check back in at home…..

Liberty at what age?

A reader asks:  Hey, here’s a dad topic that has been on my mind.  At what age can you let your kid ride a bike around the block alone?  walk the dog himself?  stay home without an adult?  My parents started when I was 9 or 10, and sometimes I think about my childhood and believe it should have been at 22 instead!  Your thoughts?

Porch Covering

Hi, we’ve been busy around here lately, not doing much on the computer except work. After shopping around for the best deal in relation to getting a patio cover put on the house now that the pool is done, Kari and I decided we’d be better off if we just built it ourselves.  And when I’ve been off work, that’s all we’ve been doing since last Friday morning…..

Kids’ perspective of Yosemite

While at Yosemite, Kari also bought six pocket cams with the film already loaded and gave each one to the kids with their names on them.  Of course, with just 24 frames, the film went fast, but we got some extra neat gems we didn’t expect, too, this time from a kid’s perspective.  Worth doing, although it was sometimes frustrating to hear the kids holding their cameras and accidentally getting bumped, etc. and firing off a frame of blurred horizon.