DadsCenter.org Blog

Teenage daughters? Only 18.5 more months…

I saw this blog today about a guy’s daughter turning 12.  And while I have 6.5 more months before that happens at my house, well, it’s an interesting perspective.

At different times I’ve asked each of the girls at home if they’d just opt to stay small for me and promise not to grow.   They’ve all declined the offer.

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Friday thoughts

As a father with seven children, it would be pure baloney to suggest to you that life is easy. Even without seven kids, it’s not. Take my three this week, gone to their mother’s next week, and then my wife’s four children, trying blend them with my three, balance having seven this week, and four the next, well, you have a recipe for “egg roll.” Or something, and I can honestly write, we haven’t figured out what that is.

I’m so thankful to find resources like the Blended Families Web site listed below. I had the chance to listen to about 30 minutes of a conference call yesterday with the author of the book about Divorce Poison. Thanks Emily for your work to set something like that up. I certainly hope there are more opportunities with your organization, and to hopefully get The Dads Center some day into something similar that’s a positive help for dads.

Right now I have to admit I’m struggling as a parent. I’m trying to find the proper balance between work and home. I’m trying to find the proper balance in how I relate to my three girls and my wife’s four kids. I’m trying to find the right balance in time with my wife, work, the kids, the dog, and a host of a thousand other issues that sprout all around because of the aforementioned. The long and the short, it’s not easy and maybe I don’t ever find the balance. Maybe I’m searching for something that doesn’t really exist. At this moment, I just don’t know.

I do know that for the first time in at least a decade I have a job that is what I want it to be. There is certainly an opportunity in my work to make a difference. Hallelujah. There is travel involved, and I’m working with a great company, great boss, and the projects are fun, stimulating and helping me grow as a person. Can’t ask for more than that.

But like almost always in life, when it seems that one thing seems to be going swell, others seem to tilt so as to knock the pendulum; as though one of the kids would do if the house were quiet for 10 seconds. I don’t know if that’s God’s hand, the Devil’s, (certainly isn’t how I want it), or just how life is. I don’t know, but I wish it could be different; that all aspects of one’s life could be, remain, etc. in some reasonable balance of comfort.

And so it goes. I love my Lord. I love my wife. I love my kids, (all seven) just the same, even though each group would say it’s different. It’s not. And I love my job. So how do you partition out time blocks for each in a 24/7 period? There just isn’t enough time to space it all out evenly. Work and it’s requirements certainly doesn’t permit a rigorous 8-5 you are working, and then you are off. “Go home, forget about this place.” That’s just not me either.

My wonderful, wonderful wife doesn’t work that way.I can only imagine her says, “Okay, when you leave here, you’re at work and not involved in what’s happening at home, with kids at school, with kids going to this and to that. When you’re at work, just forget about what’s happening here. I’ve got it.” That’s just not me either.

My kids don’t work that way. “Can you teach me how to play chess? Can you let me call a friend? Can you take me to guitar practice? To gymnastics? Can you get my bike down? When you’re at work or talking to mom, or eating your dinner, or dealing with an issue from work at home, don’t worry about me. Just forget I’m here.” That’s just not me either.

I think you get the scenario. I’m never unplugged from any one area completely, but they each crowd in saying feed me, feed me, and therein lies the challenge. If you say I’ll deal with that when I get to it in my list of the 20 other things I’m multi-tasking, you sound uncaring. Unfocused on “what’s important.” And yet they all are important. If the job, wife, kids and church weren’t important, they wouldn’t be part of my life. They wouldn’t be in my life.

And yet each component feeds off of the other. Work supports the wife. It supports the kids, having a house, a car, the pool in the backyard, money for gymnastics, guitar lessons, clothes, skate boards, bikes, food for the dinner table. It’s all inter-connected.

And so the juggling act continues. And it would be the same were there one child or all seven. It’s the same for almost all working dads. Yes, our dear wives who are home with the kids have it hard, too. I’d never say they didn’t. NEVER. But this is a daily challenge for working dads. And one I’m not sure there is an answer for, other than to tell your wife at the end of the day, I love you, and mean it…

Happy Friday.

Work in progress

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Jam Sessions at Apple Store

Three of the kids went to the Apple Store yesterday for a Jam Session training class in Garage Band.  It was about an hour long and I think they had their interests tickled.  In all fairness to the store, they had two people teaching the class who never had done it before, so the training wasn’t as good as I’d hoped, nor as good as One-to-One on FCE.  Nonetheless, the kids got something out of it and will be returning for a video class.

A sense of calm

Whew.  Finally beginning to feel like I’m settled back in at home.  Three months away from your family is rough.  And I have so many honey-do projects to work on I don’t know where to begin.  Spring is coming.  Beginning to think we’re not going to have any cold weather this year.  It’s been rainy and cold here over the weekend and foggy, even though the weather service said Friday it was going to ice and didn’t.  And even though they said it would be sunny yesterday and it wasn’t.

I’m finding that with a house full of seven kids, two dogs and my extra beautiful and wonderful wife, there is always something to do.  Add the pool to the mix and then the want to do projects and extra curricular events for the kids, well, we’re always on the go.

It’s time to start doing some painting, both in oils, water colors, and around the house.  I can’t wait to get active in the backyard this spring revitalizing the garden area along the pool, planting some sod, and seeing about adding a few more bamboo trees.  Also need to get a new tree planted for the front yard.  The four willows I planted last spring are doing very well, as are the two Oleander plants.  I also planted two pines that seem to be holding their own.

And then it will also be time, too, to get the bikes down every day for the kids to ride.  And I need to do some work on my breaks so I can get back out on a bike this season, too.  I miss bike riding.  Not that I’m really going to have time for it, but it does sound good.

And I need to finish making our life-size chess board pieces for the backyard.  Fun, fun, wood working projects.  I’m really finding a great release in doing things like that.  Just wish I had more time.  MORE TIME.

And needless to say, more time for the kids.  More time with Kari. Much more time with Kari.  I think my being gone has been the hardest on her.  Please pray for her and ask God to give her more strength.  She’s been through much the past few months.  In ways I probably won’t ever comprehend.  I love you, honey.  Truly, I do.

iRecommend

Two ideas for iTunes downloads:

Jennifer Knapp.

The Secret.

Both are helpful, relaxing and inspiring.

dc

Hillary Came In THIRD

Hello.  Yes, Huckabee and Obama won.  But HILLARY CAME IN THIRD.  Hello. Hillary came in third.  Heir-apparent, establishment, historic-money-raising-candidate came in third. THIRD.

USA Today and Dads Who Work

Thank you, USA Today for the article. As a father of seven, it is increasingly hard to work and raise a family, particularly as the children get older. When you’re at work, you try your best to keep the family stuff in the background. Off the burner. And if you leave to go do something like take one of the kids to the doctor, then you feel guilty that you’re not at work. The stress from this is huge. As a man, you feel the obligation to tend to your family, at the same time, as the hunter and gatherer, you feel a duty to be at work.

Latest Ex-Capade

The twins had their Christmas program at school Thursday night. I have been planning to be there for it so that I could videotape it and send it to all grandparents, particularly the girls grandparents back in McRae, Georgia who have only seen the girls in person in the past six years because I actually got them hooked up.

Oh, yeah, back to the program… When did I find out about it? How about Friday after school.

I’ve bent over backwards to keep my ex informed of events involving the girls and school and their extracurricular events. Is it a two-way street? Of course not.